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Oh, and I got new reviews on Second Chance (yes, still amazes me when people write to me). DARN YOU ANONYMOUS REVIEWERS! Why must you write such good stuff and not give me the chance to reply?!
From RJ:
I think this was pretty good. Only two things! One, is that Yashiro actually doesn’t know how to drive. Ren always does the driving. If you read the manga carefully, you will see there is one chapter when Yashiro doesn’t argue with Ren about picking up plain food from the convenience store because he feels guilty that Ren does all of the driving and berates himself for being a manager that can’t even share this duty with Ren.
Also, I like the use of the japanese words because it feels more authentic. I think the characters do resemble the originals except for the the time they are at Ren’s apartment. I am guessing there was something about Sho on tv? I don’t feel that this would cause an misunderstanding at this point which would continue for such a long time. Their desire to see each other tends to win out– even in the stalker incident for example, Ren controlled himself enough not to lose her trust, and afterwards she felt it was her fault and tried to apologize.
Good work! I really want to read the rest!
*Moans* I know, I know. Yashiro totally does not have the ability to drive. It’s apparent really early on in the Manga. I think I realized that before Accidental Enlightenment wrote to me, a whole year ago, but I never changed it -.-;;But, it’s definitely up there on the “must change this” priority list =) Thanks for pointing it out!
It’s kind of ironic, that some FanFiction writers can get away with doing something completely outrangeous and say, “This is FanFiction, ok? This is how I want it,” and kind of get away with it, but the FanFiction writers that stay as close to cannon as possible, totally get harped on for every little thing that deviates from the original. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind. I really don’t. I like that other readers point out the obvious. It really helps with setting “the rules” in place, and abiding by them. It keeps the characters “in character,” and if the FanFic deviates from the cannon, and it’s done well, I would call that some decent character development =P Anything else is nothing short of a miracle, am I right?
I like using Japanese too. I don’t know if it feels authentic to me, but it does feel “right.” Well, when it’s used correctly LOL I love Accidental Enlightenment and Mirschqa for telling me that I’m wrong LOL and that it’s”hisashiburi” and not “yasashiburi.” I… have no idea how long I’ve been saying it like that. I… also wonder, why no one else told me otherwise in my three+ years of Japanese… Or, after all of these years, how I’ve convinced myself that it was otherwise… It’s a pretty bad mistake, but one I’m glad they caught, and I changed. But, like a lot of the reviewers have said, I’ll try to keep the Japanese usage low, to keep from being too distracting. (And from keeping me from making an @ss out of myself LOL)
As for the whole, keeping Ren away from Kyoko thing, I’m “working” on that. It’s definitely been a point of frustration because it really is implausible to have something drawn out so long between them. It drives me nuts that they can “not” see each other for a long time when there’s nothing wrong between them (when they’re busy working), but when something goes wrong between them, it’s like, OH NO. I MUST SEE HIM/HER NOW. Well, it makes sense, obviously, but it drives me nuts. (Nuts, somewhere along the lines of: YOU LIKE HER. SHE sort of LIKES YOU. GO SEE HER. Etcetera, etcetera. Badda bing, badda boom. Well, that kind of torture is what we like to be put through, isn’t it?) To be honest, I just needed “time” to set up the Seiji side of things. But there’s got to be a better reason, right? So I figure, rewriting the scene in Chapter 1, and fixing it, to make the story seem more plausible, will help me to better write those remaining scenes between Ren and Kyoko. Hopefully.
Like you said, their desire to see each other always overcomes the conflicts that manages to get between them. That’s definitely one thing that I want to see happen in this FanFic. Thank you for reviewing, and I’m glad you liked it despite all of the obvious errors =) Your encouragement means the world to me.
Cheers,
LyL
As I continue working through the final draft of “Second Chance” (Chapter Two), I find myself being perpetually bombarded by certain elements in the story that I successfully ignored the first time around. Unfortunately, the more that I try to make story seem more cohesive and faithful to the canon, the more difficult writing this FanFic becomes. If you’ve taken a good look at the Scene Index from my previous post, you’ve seen that most of my trouble spots are in the scenes with Tsuruga Ren. He’s probably the main reason why I’m having such a hard time finishing up this chapter and posting it.
Every writer will tell you that writing is just like everything else: there are good days, and there are bad days. Some days you write a lot, and some days, you’re lucky if you get in a good sentence or two. About a week ago, I set aside 5 hours just to work on “Second Chance,” and I ended up writing only two paragraphs, both of which I trimmed down to one good sentence later on that day. It was really frustrating to only have written two meager paragraphs, but thankfully, on the very next day, I was rewarded with churning out a good six pages from the rest of that scene.
I find it ironic that the trouble with Ren is that he is such a wonderfully complex character, filled with flaws and odd compulsions while remaining so deceitfully charming and heartbreakingly aloof, that I want to keep him just the way he is. Like how he, as an actor, has to put himself in his character’s shoes and creatively imagine how best to portray his role in Skip Beat! the manga, I have to constantly put myself in his character and imagine how he would move, and breathe, and act, and speak.
The scene that I’m working on now is a one of the crucial scenes to “Second Chance,” so I want to get it right the first time around. A lot of the other scenes build off of this scene, so I’m having a difficult time moving on without finishing this one. In this scene, Ren does a lot of lashing out, in his cool, calm, deattached way that we see a lot of in the beginning of the manga.
In “Second Chance,” he’s someone that’s supposedly approachable and very amiable, but upon meeting him, his charming facade leaves the visitor delighted and pleased, yet unable to impose his or her presence on him for long. Although he is someone that’s constantly working and incredibly busy, the visitor assumes this even before the assumption is verified. Not only does he distance himself from others, the people around him automatically distance themselves before they give him the opportunity to be otherwise. That is why, as the story develops and he realizes his feelings for Mogami Kyoko, we, as the reader, are pleasantly shocked but delightfully happy when every new development between these two characters soften his false charade and reveal more of who he is at the core. However, he is still the harsh and unyielding Tsuruga Ren that is married to his vocation, no matter what she may do to his heart.
This is the Tsuruga Ren that I am enamored with and am trying to portray. I remember that there was a review on the FF.net page that criticized my use of his character; that he wasn’t dark and unforgiving enough. To be honest, I think that might also be a reason why I’m struggling to get his personality down. And, to be fair (or biased), I don’t feel that my Ren was entirely off in Chapter One, because the Ren that we know beyond Skip Beat! Volume 10 has been revealed to be a very gentle, kind, and protective man–but only to Kyoko (and Maria). But, the review reminds me constantly that he is still Ren; still harsh and unyielding.
Well, that’s enough for pent up frustration. I got stuck writing the rest of this scene so I started to blog and rant. Then I wrote on LiveJournal and somehow decided to make a wallpaper for the LJ Skip Beat! community and thought about submitting it to AnimePaper.net to get some papers LOL but I haven’t decided what to do with it yet. I have an idea, but it’ll take some time before I can actually implement it well. You can see that I started a vector of one of his better profile pictures, but it still needs some work. I liked the clean lines in black and white, but if I color the rest of the picture, I’ll have to mess around with some textures and brushes before I can really enjoy this picture. But you guys can have at it. Enjoy it while you can, friends, because if I start writing, you might not get to see the finished wall until after I publish Chapter Two =) Some sacrifices have to be made, right?
Oh, do be a sweetheart: if you use it, please link back and credit =) It’s always nice to have new visitors and new comments. And yes, I have an account on AnimePaper.net. You can friend me, if you’d like.
Cheers,
LyL
